I Can't Get Up
by Prussianess
Summary: "Please. Just let me die." The Doctor could only give him a sad smile. "You know that I can't do that."
1. Falling

**I Can't Get Up**

**Rating: T – for suicidal thoughts and behaviors, emotional trauma, implications, and heavy feels. **

**Pairings: ****_None at all. _****Unless you count Amy/Rory, but that's cannon so I don't. **

**Author's Note: I've been lurking around the Avengers/Doctor Who crossovers for some time now. I've found an amount of stories that had wonderful ideas, but I've found that a disheartening amount of them actually lived up to the great descriptions. A small number of them involved the Doctor rescuing Loki after he fell, but none of them dived too deep into what could've happened next. They all seemed to take the route that the Doctor could 'fix him with love' and all that jazz. I say bullshit to that. Only ****_one_**** of them acknowledged the fact that Loki was suicidal, but it hasn't been updated yet.**

**Loki is a person with serious issues that spanned for more than a hundred years. He needs more than just 'love' to fix him and in all honestly I doubt that he could even be fixed. Despite how hard it may be, we still need to acknowledge the Avengers as cannon. I'm sorry if this makes me sound like an elitist jerk, but if you want something done right, you should do it yourself.**

* * *

Chapter 1

It was cold.

_So. Very. Cold. _

The emptiness of space wrapped itself around the falling boy.

Because, really, he was nothing more than a boy. Only around 1000. 1200? 300? 1 He didn't care to remember.

He didn't care to try.

Why should he care? He expected to be dead by now, so why should he care about anything anymore?

Why?

The silence of the void was louder than anything the boy has ever heard. The only thing that he could do was think.

He didn't want that. Not at all. He hated the thoughts that still lingered in his mind.

_'Why did this happen?'_

_'Why didn't it work?' _

_'Did I do something wrong?' _

_'This was a mistake.' _

_'I miss home.' _

_'But what _is_ home?'_

_'Do they even care?' _

_'. . . where did it all go wrong?'_

The boy clenched his teeth and squeezed shut his eyes, willing the tears to not flow.

They would've only frozen to his face, due to the bitter, heartless cold.

* * *

1 Loki is only 1048. Assuming that a Frost Giant's lifespan is the same as an Asgardian's, he's 1048/5000. Now, the average age of a human in a well developed country is around 85.

In Midgardian terms, _Loki is around 17/8 years old. _

* * *

**Author's Note: I hope you liked this short intro chapter. **

**Now, I'm making this a crossover with the Avengers instead of Thor because, while mostly focusing on Loki, it also focuses on the future and what happened in the Avengers. I hope that my logic isn't too horribly flawed. **

**Again, I'm sorry is my earlier note made me sound like an asshole. **

**(…I just realized that my ANs put together are longer than the actual chapter. Oops.) **

**Goodbye, readers. **


	2. Catching

**Author's Note: I seriously hope that I'm getting the characters right. If you haven't noticed, this is my first time writing for any of them. **

**Disclaimer: I, obviously, don't own the Avengers, Doctor Who, or any character that belongs in either. **

* * *

Chapter 2

"Off you go, Ponds! I know how much humans need their sleep and you two haven't slept for three days." The Doctor pushed his two drowsy Companions towards the general direction of their shared room.

"But Doctor!" The ginger tried to sound fierce and commanding despite the fact that she could barely keep her eyes open. "'m not even tired . . . le's go somewhere else . . ." Sleep slurred her already accented words.

Her husband quietly took her wrist and led her to their bedroom.*

"Lemme go, stupid face!" Despite her words, she was too tired to fight and let herself be led away.

"God bless Rory Pond." The Doctor breathed out once he was left alone.

He usually hated to be alone, but sometimes – occasionally – he liked the silence that came with it.

He skipped over to his beloved TARDIS console and messed with a few of the buttons and wires. He absently thought of his next adventures as he tinkered.

He wasn't even alone for 20 minutes before he heard a small crash.

Without a thought, he pressed a few random buttons and switches. A nearby screen flickered to life.

Outside was all space and stars and . . . was that a hand? The Doctor leaned in closer to the screen. Yep, definitely a hand.

Curiosity got the better of him and he rushed to the doors and flung them open. Nothing was in front of him, but when he looked up there was, indeed, a limp hand – connected to an arm – dangling from the roof.

The Doctor stared at the hand, sonic'd it, and stared it some more.

Deeming the hand safe, he hesitantly reached out, grabbed it, and tugged down. As it turned out, it was connected to a body after all! He loved it when that happened.

Hands usually _are_ at their happiest when they're connected to a body.

The situation was a shame, though. The Doctor tried not to shudder as he took in the sight of the pale, lifeless body floating in the cold of space.

"Nope. We can't have this." Despite the fact that the person was almost surely dead, the Doctor tugged the body into the TARDIS.

The thought of finding a body and leaving it to float in the vastness of space put a bad taste in his mouth. He caught the body as it reacted to the sudden tug of gravity and – skillfully, he might add – closed the doors with his foot. Gingerly, he set the body on the ground.

The Doctor took in the young man's features; pale skin, raven hair, a bit too skinny. What might've been leather clothing hung in tatters around his bony frame, a few pieces of golden armor remained. His hair was long and tangled. Twin streams of ice clung to his eyes and cheeks. Despite not knowing the man, the Doctor silently mourned for the loss of life.

That is, until the man twitched and his eyes fluttered open. They were bright green and cloudy, dazed. None of that managed to hide their spark of intelligence.

The Doctor's own pale green eyes widened at the sight of the very-much-not-dead-person. How was that even possible; how could he survive floating in space?

Not wanting to question it yet, the Doctor put on a bright smile. "Hey there! Glad you woke up, I almost thought you were dead. Heh, obviously you're not." He clapped his hands together. "Well then, I, uh, better put you in a bed so that you could rest properly."

The man's gaze focused on him, confused and fearful. He tried to speak, but no words came out.

"It's okay, it's okay." The Doctor tried to soothe. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"St—" The man stuttered intelligibly, voice weak. He took in a few deep breaths, but hissed as if the air burned him.

The Doctor moved to pick the man up, but was stopped by a trembling – but still strong – hand. Nothing could've prepared the Doctor for the man's next words.

"S-stop, please." His eyes flashed, as if he were a cornered animal. "I-I did not require a rescue."

* * *

***Be warned, if anyone ****_other_**** than Rory attempts to do this, their death would be assured.**

* * *

**Author's Note: I feel that you need a fair bit of warning about the format of my chapters. I am ****_not_**** going to be turning out 1000 word chapters regularly. This chapter is my average length. I find that if I try to write out long chapters, I lose track of my voice and it starts spiraling out of control. As a bonus, shorter chapters give me less stress. **

**Reviews are appreciated, but critiques are preferred. **

**Goodbye, Readers. **


	3. Cold Memories

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, the Avengers, or any character that belongs in either. **

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Chapter 3

_"I could've done it, father! I could have done it. For you, for all of us." _

_"No, Loki." _

_Hurt. That's how he felt. Those stern, disapproving words struck him in the face. _

_'I tried to hard . . . what did I do wrong?' _

_He desperately looked into the faces of his father and his brother. Then, he knew. _

_He knew what went wrong. _

_It never would have worked. _

_He wasn't like them. _

_No matter his disguise, he will never be like them. _

_Loki sucked in a shuddering breath as tears began to flow. His tight grip on Gungnir loosened._

_'I have no place here. I am not wanted.' _

_"Loki, no . . ." Thor's voice was soft and desperate. _

_How dare he. How dare he act like he cares._

_Loki let go, refusing to acknowledge the mournful cries that followed._

_He fell, plunging into the wormhole. Plunging into the dark depths of space. _

_It was a fate befitting of a monster. _

_Just like the tales he's heard since he was a child._

* * *

Loki's eyes snapped open.

He found himself laying in an unfamiliar bed, head resting on unfamiliar pillows, tangled in unfamiliar sheets.

The first thing he felt was panic.

Then confusion.

Didn't he fall off of the Bifrost?

Should he be falling through oblivion?

He sat up and stared at his lap.

What happened?

'I was falling . . . alone with my wretched thoughts.' He scowled into the sheets. 'And then . . . what? I must have fainted.'

He glanced at the room.

'Now I turn up here? This makes no sense.'

Suddenly, he was overcome with a rush of unbearable cold. The young Aesir – no, Jotun; wasn't this form nothing more than a mask? – curled into a tight ball and shivered uncontrollably.

The cold of space must have finally caught up with him.

* * *

**Author's Note: One anonymous reviewer says that 'longer chapter would be nice'. **

**I agree, they would be nice if I wrote that way. I write my chapters until I feel like I gave enough. I stop them when I feel like I'm at a good place to end. As an added bonus, because of these short chapters, I can turn out one a day. I'm already a few chapters ahead in my notebook. **

**Reviews are appreciated, critiques are preferred. **

**Goodbye, Readers. **


	4. Rescue?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, the Avengers, or any character that belongs in either. **

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Chapter 4

Amelia discovered the Doctor in the kitchen the next morning.

She put a bagel in the toaster and turned around to see him sitting in a small, two person table, staring at a cup of black coffee.

She stared, shrugged, and sat down across from him. The Doctor looked up with a start and quickly smiled.

"Hello, Amy!"

"Spill it."

"What d'you—"

"Something's on your mind." Amy leaned forward. "Tell me."

Like a shattered mirror, the Doctor's expression broke and he went back to staring at his cup of coffee.

"Take your time. We have all of it." She leaned back into her chair.

"I…rescued someone last night." The Doctor admitted. Amy quirked an eyebrow.

"An' this is a bad thing?" The toaster '_dinged'_ and Amy swiftly got out of her chair.

"Well, he was sort of floating in space."

"Ooh, 'he'." Amy smirked. "Do tell."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "So, he somehow survived the vacuum of space." He put his head in his hands. "But that's not the problem."

"Then what is?"

"He…he said that he didn't want to be rescued."

Amy dropped her bagel.

* * *

**Author's Note: Because of this very, very short chapter, I'm going to update twice today! Hurray! **

**Reviews are appreciated, critiques are preferred. **

_**Please tell me if I'm writing the characters correctly.**_

**Goodbye, Readers!**


	5. Drained

**Author's Note: Here's the promised second update. I hope you enjoy, even though it's just as short as the last chapter. ****_I'm not doing this on purpose please believe me. _**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, the Avengers, or any character that belongs in either. **

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Chapter 5

Loki lied in the bed. The sudden cold spell has long since passed.

He was _utterly exhausted. _

Tentatively, he straightened himself out. Limbs protested and quaked, but he didn't care.

He needed to know _what happened._

When the freezing cold left as quickly as it came, the sorcerer _knew_ that something wasn't right. He just didn't know what the problem was.

And that terrified him.

He was _so_ used to knowing.

Even when his tricks and schemes spiraled out of control – which he, reluctantly, admits happens often – he _knew_ what was happening.

Now?

The most that he knew was that he was miraculously saved from the depths of space, he was in an unfamiliar room, he was cold, he felt drained—

Loki's eyes widened.

Drained.

The puzzle pieces fell into place.

_Drained._

It explained why he felt so weak.

**_Drained. _**

It explained why he felt so exposed.

He lifted a shaky hand.

drained

The tips of his fingers were slowly turning blue.

His magic has been drained.

* * *

**Author's Note: Dun. Dun. Dun. **

**This might be shorter than the last chapter. Huh. At the least, the last chapter and this combine to around 400 words? **

**Reviews are appreciated, critiques are preferred. **

**Goodbye, Readers.**


	6. Truth

**Author's Note: I AM SO SO SOSOSO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES. I've been way too busy lately to even ****_think_**** about picking up my laptop. Because of this, I wrote a chapter that's slightly longer than the others and the next chapter would be well over 1000 words long. **

**I again apologize for any inconveniences. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, the Avengers, or any characters that belong in either.**

* * *

Chapter 6

Doctor and Companion sat across from each other.

The Doctor nervously tapped his fingers against the table, the companion's eyes burned into the wood.

"You accidentally saved someone from a suicide attempt?"

"Yeah, it would seem so."

"A suicide attempt that left him floating in space?"

"Yup."

"How does that even work?"

"Airlock, crashed a ship, teleport—"

"Okay, okay, I get it."

Silence.

The Doctor sipped his coffee.

Amy nibbled on her bagel.

"Do you…do you even know what to do?" Amy searched the Doctor's face for answers.

"No. Not really, no." He admitted.

"I thought you knew everything."

The Doctor snorted. "Why on earth would you think that? If I knew everything, I won't bother to do anything!"

More silence.

"This has never happened to me before."

"Doctor?"

"I've stopped suicides from happening, I've _seen _them happen, but I've never saved anyone _after _they attempted. Someone _in the process _of taking their own life." The Doctor sighed deeply. Amy didn't know how to respond.

She dunked a bit of her bagel in his coffee.

"What is he?" She awkwardly asked. "Human? Or…what?"

"I don't know."

"There's a lot we don't know about this guy then."

"No, I mean, I sonic'd him, but…I just don't know." He shook his head. "The species kept switching back and forth, as if the sonic couldn't decide."

Amy raised an eyebrow. "Couldn't decide on what? Which species?"

"Jotun or Aesir, which is incredibly odd because he looks _nothing_ like a Jotun. Both of those species are mortal enemies, anyway, Well, last time I checked." Another sip from his coffee. "Maybe my sonic's finally broke."

As the Doctor rambled, Amy thought of this mysterious new person.

Suicide attempt. Ended up floating in space. Doctor doesn't know what species. He's a _he._

Amy was very interested, indeed.

She got out of her chair.

"Where are you heading off to know?" The Doctor asked, tilting his chair back.

"I'm going to see out guest." She answered, matter-of-fact.

The Doctor gave her a questioning look. "Where's your husband."

Amy shrugged. "Still asleep."

"You don't even know what room he's in."

"Then I'll look for him." She poured a bowl of cereal and gave the Doctor a cheeky smile. "Who knows? He might be hungry."

"Left, right, 10 feet, right, left, left, third door on your right!" He shouted, after the ginger

left the room.

"Don't need your help!" She shouted back.

The Doctor smiled smugly as he heard her mutter a 'thank you'.

* * *

Loki scrambled out of the bed, gaping at his now completely blue hand.

'_What is this?_'

He tried to stop the blue from spreading but he didn't have anything left.

Soon it was up to his elbows.

'My magic cannot be gone. _This cannot be happening.'_

And it wasn't gone, he soon realized. He could still feel it rushing through his veins. Something was keeping him from using it.

But _what?_

But _how?_

Even the simplest piece of magic, the magic that he's been doing _subconsciously_ for _hundreds and hundreds of years_, was repressed.

What sort of power could do such a thing?

Loki watched in horror as the blue spread.

He watched in horror as the body that was _his and his alone _was slowly being overtaken by the body that was _not his and never will be. _

Or was it the other way around?

He _was _a Jotun.

He _was not_ an Aesir.

Despite how much he denied it, those _were_ truths.

He watched as his costume was being ripped away, showing him for what he really was.

He was a monster and that truth was exposed.

* * *

**Author's Note: I, again, apologize for the lack of chapters.**

**I noticed that I got ****_a lot _****more followers and favorites. Wow. I am blown away by the fact that someone would actually ****_follow_**** this train-wreck of a story. **

**Please, tell me if I'm writing these characters correctly.**

**Thank you all so much and have a happy 2014! **

**Reviews are appreciated, critiques are preferred. **

**Goodbye, beautiful Readers!**


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